


Anytime, Anywhere / Ex Nihilo Nihil Fit

by maximumfudanshi



Series: How Reita learned to stop worrying and love the bomb [3]
Category: Jrock, the GazettE
Genre: Clothed Sex, Dirty Dancing, Dirty Talk, Dry Humping, Exhibitionism, Grinding, M/M, Oral Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Stranger Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:01:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6976696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maximumfudanshi/pseuds/maximumfudanshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reita lets Ruki talk him into things, like a night out at a bar full of men who'll never remember their faces. He agonizes, fumbles, interrogates himself about why things between he and Ruki have taken this strange turn. But nothing is born out of nothingness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anytime, Anywhere / Ex Nihilo Nihil Fit

The bar Velvet was a strange little place, hidden away in the basement of a building on a street he’d never even passed down before, somehow simultaneously exclusive and sleazy. After the way the bouncer had thoroughly eyed them at the door, Reita had expected a classy place, perhaps one frequented by other musicians. But instead he had found a dark, crowded place, red walls and dusty mirrors. And, moreover, a real sausagefest in full swing. 

He hadn’t come to pick up girls though, he’d come to spend time with Ruki, who had suggested they go for a drink at one of his favorite spots, just the two of them. Whatever strange things had been happening between them lately, he still looked forward to time with his best friend. So he’d put the crowd out of his mind. For a while anyway.

Until he had noticed quite a few guys dancing with each other, and begun to panic. He had found his palms sweating as he watched the crowd distractedly over Ruki’s shoulder. Ruki could have at least warned him, given him a chance to back out before dragging him into something so risky. This was not the kind of bar he wanted to be spotted in- he wasn’t even gay, he was just letting Ruki drag him along-

“Hey, are you listening?” Ruki leaned in, hands on his hips as he dragged Reita’s attention back to him.

“Uh…sorry,” he fumbled, knowing better than to try to pretend he had been. Ruki knew him far too well to get away with that.

“Well, I was asking if you were going to dance with me, or if you were going to ignore me and stare into space all night?”

“I…dance with you? In public?”

Ruki only huffed and crossed his arms, waiting impatiently for Reita to get it together.

Instead, though, Reita made it even worse, blurted out the first thing he thought of, “Did you bring me to a gay bar?”

He felt bad about the long suffering look Ruki was giving him, but being photographed in a gay bar was the kind of thing that he had nightmares about. Ruki’s shoulders slumped, and he thought this was about to be the end of their night out- that Ruki would soften and take mercy as he always did when Reita needed reassurance. But instead his friend was pushing at his shoulders, herding him into a booth.

“Alright,” Ruki sighed, “Stay here for a while, don’t get into any trouble. Come find me if you want to dance later.” He ran his hand once though Reita’s unstyled hair and then struck out on his own.

That was how Reita found himself alone, leaning back into the shadows, sipping the strange imported beer Ruki had talked him into trying in the brief sane moments before his panic had begun. It was pretty bad, truly disappointing considering how excited Ruki had been about the badass Baphomet illustration on the label. Well, he’d been letting Ruki talk him into all sorts of questionable things lately... Like this evening out, at what he was increasingly sure was a gay bar…

How could one tell for sure though? It wasn’t as though there were any rainbow flags hanging on the walls- he’d already checked. And he’d seen guys dancing together in other bars he’d gone to with the band… unless they’d been taking him to gay bars without telling him for years. They wouldn’t, would they? He ran his hand through his hair again, trying to smooth it down where Ruki had ruffled it, maybe smooth down his frayed nerves too.

He’d lost sight of his bandmate in the crowd, one last glimpse of wavy blond hair and a softly shining black silk jacket before he was swallowed by a sea of people a head taller than him. Before Reita spotted him again he had finished his beer, worked up the nerve to go to the bar for something stronger, and returned to the booth. He was halfway through his jack and coke, relaxing finally since it seemed no one was going to bother him, when the crowd parted and he finally caught sight of him. Ruki was leaning against the far end of the bar, sipping a fruity drink as he talked easily with a group of guys who he seemed to know.

Did Ruki have a crowd of gay friends he’d never met? There were so many things about him that he didn’t really know, things Ruki probably would have gladly told to his closest friend, but that he had never asked about because he was uncomfortable with the topic. He’d really done Ruki a disservice, he knew; had been kind of a shitty friend when it came to the topic of Ruki’s sexuality. He’d preferred to ignore the reality of it until it had suddenly become relevant to his own revelation and crisis.

He’d have to talk to Ruki about that someday, try to apologize, though he knew he’d make a fool of himself. He’d just have to depend on Ruki’s continually amazing ability to understand him no matter how inarticulate he was. For the time being though, he drowned the guilt in the rest of his drink and watched Ruki from across the room.

He looked happy, trying to take a sip of his cocktail and then almost spilling it as he burst into laughter at something the guy to his left said. He looked comfortable too, as though he’d spent a lot of time in this bar, would automatically step carefully over the broken tile that Reita had caught his foot on, wouldn’t flinch when the bartender called him ‘honey’. Reita almost wanted to go join the conversation, thought he could face his nerves if Ruki would let him stand close by his side. But he wouldn’t know what to say.

So he only watched, wondered idly if what he was feeling could be jealousy- something uncomfortable and slightly bitter in the back of his throat. Or maybe it was regret at all the years he had wasted, when he could have had this all figured out a decade ago. Would he and Ruki have ended up together if his strange dream had happened back then, on a shared mattress on the floor of a shitty apartment? Before he’d dug himself in so deeply with reflexive denials and before Ruki had started to clam up about his sexuality? He didn’t think so, still felt that his attraction to Ruki had appeared out of thin air just at that moment, when all the things he loved about his best friend had mixed with warm morning sunlight and hormones into something he had never seen coming.

But he could almost see Ruki’s face on the pillow beside him, soft with sleep, hear him murmuring, “Ex nihilo nihil fit” in that thick accent he had when he tried Latin or English. Was that a long lost memory of some meandering conversation, or just a fantasy? Sometimes he found it so easy to imagine exactly what Ruki would say in situations they hadn’t been in yet, to know exactly how their arguments would play out…

But then the fragile image slipped away from him as he noticed another man had joined the conversation by the bar, speaking eagerly with Ruki; a guy with long, dark hair shadowing his face and expensive looking shoes. One of Ruki’s friends was tugging the hand of the other, pulling him toward the dance floor and then Ruki and the stranger were following, lost again in the sea of dancers. 

He spun his empty glass, every once in a while getting a glimpse of Ruki’s bleached hair catching the lights, ever changing colors. He was dancing with the dark-haired man, and Reita was kind of glad. If Ruki had found someone to dance with, he wouldn’t be guilted into doing it. He knew he’d step on Ruki’s toes and Ruki would try to pretend he didn’t mind when he clearly did. When it came to him, his bandmate had the patience of a saint.

So when he felt the first pang of real bitterness, it came with a wave of guilt as well. What right did he have to be jealous of a guy who was willing to do something for Ruki that he himself wasn’t? But Ruki was swaying too close, brushing a hand over the man’s chest, and he was bending down to listen, smiling as Ruki spoke to him over the music. Ruki was clearly flirting and Reita wasn’t prepared for whatever it was that he was feeling in response. Everything was so twisted lately.

It was all because of the ritual that had begun to solidify between them in the months since his fateful dream- even though they had hardly spoken of it, only Ruki’s filthy whispers guiding him in the midst of the act. What had he always read in Uruha’s abandoned self-help books; seven times to make a habit? He had the feeling they’d reached that count, those scarce few times they’d repeated their ritual. Waking up hard on a handful of sleepy mornings when they had shared a bed, that thrilling time in the stairwell, and once against the kitchen counter after a few beers. Rarer still, late nights after Uruha had shouldered his guitar and left him dozing on the sofa, only to be awakened by Ruki straddling him, coaxing him into hardness, instigating. He was terrified of himself each time it happened, tense and brittle until Ruki drowned his fears in warmth and arousal. That was their thing, the secret Ruki had shared with him. That’s all it was, just a dirty secret between friends, he was far from ready to even think about anything more- but seeing Ruki with someone else was forcing him to think about it. Didn’t he have some kind of claim, some kind of primacy as the one who fulfilled Ruki’s fantasies, submitted eagerly to his commands each time?

The music had changed as the night wore on, top 40 hits replaced by throbbing bass lines, and he couldn’t take his eyes off his bandmate even though he thought maybe it would be the best thing for him to do- to look away. Maybe steal a cigarette from Ruki’s bag in the locker they’d rented together, go out and get some fresh air. But instead, he watched Ruki sway sensually, perfectly at home under the shifting lights. And as the crowd thinned just a little, he watched as Ruki pressed close, turned around and danced with the man’s hand on his hips. His eyes were closed, head tipped back as he moved. Reita finally understood what was happening then- Ruki was letting this stranger get off on him, right there in the middle of the dance floor. He wouldn’t have believed it if it weren’t happening right in front of him, if he didn’t know what he knew about Ruki. 

But he did know, all too well. He knew how much Ruki was enjoying it, and how pleasurable it must be for the stranger who he’d teased to the point of desperation. Arousal and jealousy fought in him, writhing, and he gripped the edge of the table tightly, shocked at himself, until Ruki opened his eyes and looked right at him, finding him in the shadows and pinning him with a dark gaze. He was deliberately giving a show, rolling his hips as the stranger buried his face against his neck. He bit his lip, never breaking eye contact with Reita as the man finished against him, stilling for a moment, and then pulled away and left in the middle of the song.

Reita was dimly amazed at Ruki’s composure as he straightened his jacket and wound his way elegantly across the dance floor as though nothing had happened. But when he suddenly found Ruki standing before him, sliding into the booth next to him, it was clear that he was aroused, face flushed and eyes dilated. He moved over until his thigh was pressed against Reita’s, leaned back and fixed him with a pouting look.

“You never came to dance with me. That could have been you.” No preamble, no question of rather Reita had seen what had happened.

Ruki’s hand skimmed lightly over his thigh and he felt his cock twitch, the arousal he’d been trying to push down making itself known again. He wanted to say that Ruki was wrong, that he could never have done that; gotten off in the middle of a crowd. But here he was, getting harder and almost hoping Ruki was going to try to jerk him off under the table.

His bandmate’s fingers were moving steadily, stoking his leg higher and higher, until he turned to lean more heavily against Reita’s shoulder and slid his hand up to feel his arousal. Reita bit back a gasp at the first warm contact, fought to hold still as Ruki felt him, squeezed his aching cock through his jeans.

“Oh, god, you’re so hard.” Ruki laid his head on Reita’s shoulder, looking down to watch as he greedily felt his swelling cock in the shadows beneath the table. For a few long minutes it was all Reita could do to bite his lip and try to keep his face impassive as he anxiously scanned the room for any sign that they had been noticed. Then Ruki leaned back and smiled a smile that Reita knew meant trouble. He found himself being dragged out of the booth, through the milling crowd, every step a torment of friction.

In the dimly lit hallway that led to the bathrooms, in the gloom beside a pay phone that had been out of order for a decade, Ruki leaned against the mirrored wall and pulled him forward by his belt. His erection was pressed against Ruki’s hipbone and he pushed harder against him, pinned him against the wall. And then he froze up. He was incredibly worked up from all the teasing, ready to pack up and put away his jealousy and all the questions that went with it, to do his best to sweep them from his conscious mind so that he could enjoy this. But there was still the fact that this was a very public place, a hundred people just a few yards away. He looked anxiously down the hallway toward the shifting lights of the dancefloor. Anyone could walk down the hall at any time, see them rutting in the shadows-

One of Ruki’s hands was still gripping his belt, but the other came up to grab him by the hair and pull his head around. “Stop worrying about them. There’s a reason I like this bar in particular, you know. For some reason all the guys who hang out here seem to have poor eyesight and moderate amnesia...” He grinned as he let the implication sink in for a minute before continuing, “Now, are you going to give me what I want, or am I going to have to go find that guy again?”

He didn’t dare take his attention off Ruki again after that. If he wanted to do it up against the wall, Reita would give him what he wanted, just like he always did. He barely had time to set his hand on Ruki’s hip to guide him before Ruki turned around eagerly of his own accord. The heat of his hands left little halos of fog on the cool mirror as Reita pressed against him and began to move, curled closely over his back, as though if he couldn’t see the crowd, they weren’t really there. 

“Mm, good,” Ruki murmured, sliding a hand over Reita’s on his hip in a needless effort to keep him there, “Give it to me.” 

Reita ground against him steadily, frustrated by layers of fabric but unable to stop. The music sounded so far away now, drowned out by the sound of Ruki’s breathing and the unnaturally detailed view of the curve of his neck, tendons under warm pink skin. He laid his forehead against that skin, felt Ruki’s hand move up into the back of his hair as he worked to get himself off, rushing toward the part where he would get to watch his friend finish himself off.

Then Ruki was tugging at his hair, pulling him up so that their eyes could meet in the mirror, studying him with a smirk. “Look at you, you’re a mess,” he taunted.

Ruki was right, he found, when he broke the heated gaze to take in his own reflection; his hair was a sweaty mess, his lower lip red and swollen where he had bitten it to keep himself quiet. But Ruki didn’t look much better, looked thoroughly fucked, one hand still spayed against the smudged glass.

He pumped hard against Ruki for a moment before shooting back, “Who’s fault is that?” 

“Oh? That turned you on, watching me make some guy cum in public?” Ruki sounded so pleased, Reita had to wonder if he knew, if he was trying to make him jealous on purpose. “I got so hot with you watching me. I kept hoping you’d come join in. I wanted feel you against me when I made you cum right there in the middle of the crowd.”

Reita’s possessiveness rose again, a stupefying haze that compelled him to grab Ruki’s arm and turn him back around. He slipped a leg between Ruki’s thighs as his initial gasp of surprise changed to a grin and he wrapped his arms around Reita’s neck. He could feel Ruki’s arousal now, warm against his thigh as his friend squirmed against him. His hands slid restlessly over Ruki’s sides, his hips, then down to his thighs, before he grabbed the back of one soft leg and pulled it up around his waist. One hand occupied there left him only one to grope Ruki’s ass, but it gave him a much better access, a better angle to rub directly against Ruki’s cock. Reita was taking some of his weight, had Ruki up on tiptoe as the friction started to make him moan, head back against the mirrors as they began to move together.

The breathy noises he earned with every grind of his hips, the pulse throbbing visibly in Ruki’s throat in the reddish light, his warmth and responsiveness, meeting Reita with his own sensual motions; he couldn’t take his eyes off Ruki’s face, everything was just too- suddenly he was cumming, slamming Ruki’s hip against the wall as he convulsed, trembling through a few more shallow thrusts.

When he saw that Ruki hadn’t finished despite the stimulation, he was almost shamed at how easily he had cum, how easily he had come undone. Ruki watched him smugly, oddly composed. But of course he hadn’t finished yet, that wasn’t the way this worked. Every time they had done it, it ended the same way, Ruki playing with his cum, pleased and haughty, while he jerked himself off and Reita watched, dumbfounded.

That was the way it was supposed to work. He never acted on his quietly simmering desired to get Ruki off, to touch his gorgeous cock again as he had for a few seconds that first morning before he was pushed away. But Ruki was making no move to follow the script now, leaning back and catching his breath as his hand worked idly over the bulge in his jeans. He had time to begin to wonder if Ruki wanted something else, but all the time in the world wouldn’t be enough for him to get up the nerve to ask.

“Get you cock out for me,” Ruki final commanded, and he hurried to obey, exposing his softening dick to his bandmate’s pointed gaze. Ruki was still rubbing himself through his pants with one hand, the other sliding over his own thigh before reaching out to smear cum over the head of Reita’s spent cock. He brought his fingers up to his mouth, licked them clean, sucked them slowly.

Everything Ruki did seemed so erotic lately, but this was obscene. Was Ruki trying to tell him something, or was that just wishful thinking? He took the risk and went to his knees anyway, too addled to be cautious. He felt a hand grab his hair immediately, but he was being pulled closer instead of pushed away and he leaned in impulsively to mouth Ruki’s cock through his pants before unzipping him. And then he had Ruki’s short, thick cock in his hand and he froze again, watching it drip precum. Why was this so attractive; weren’t dicks supposed to be goofy looking, not fascinatingly warm and rosy? He’d thought about this the very first time he’d seen Ruki erect, thought unbidden about sucking him, and wondered why. But the why would have to wait. More importantly, he had no idea how and Ruki was tugging him forward by the hair, pulsing, rolling his hips in an effort to fuck his hand. 

“Are you going to suck it or not? I know you want it.”

He did want it, badly, so he licked the head, tasted the salty fluid, imitated what Ruki had done to him to the best of his ability. He ran his tongue over the underside as Ruki thrust against his lips, worked his way back up before taking the head carefully into his mouth. 

He was sucking Ruki off, on his knees with his dick out in public, letting Ruki guide his head, and he was sure he was actually doing a terrible job but Ruki was moaning low, “Yeah, like that. Suck me. Show me how much you love my cock.” Somehow, it seemed like that first dream had never ended, time flowing inconsistently, not entirely in control of himself, and everything was warm and wonderful and Ruki.

And then Ruki was pulling his hair harder, sliding out of his mouth as he grabbed his own cock and came loudly, one spurt hitting Reita’s lips before he moved his hand to catch his mess. Reita watched him, the muscles of his thighs tensing visibly through tight black jeans, eyes closed as he cursed. He stilled, taught for a moment before he relaxed, released his painful grip on Reita’s hair, but Reita was still stuck staring as he licked he hand clean again. The spell didn’t break until Ruki looked down and gently wiped the cum from his chin with an unreadable expression. Then he was scrabbling to his feet, zipping his pants up in a fumbling rush as Ruki did the same with much more grace. 

“Another drink?” Ruki asked when his breathing had evened.

He couldn’t be serious. It would have to be obvious to everyone what they had been doing to end up so sweaty and disheveled, and the inside of his pants was still an uncomfortable sticky mess. No, his flight response was kicking in now that his dick was no longer in command, and he wanted to get out of there before they were found out, not to sit and try to look Ruki in the eye after what he had just done. The dream feeling was gone and reality was creeping in dangerously.

Of course, Ruki could read the answer in his pinched expression, read more than he really wanted to share in the awkward way he looked off to the side. But it was fine, because that time he did soften, stepping away from the wall and throwing a reassuring arm around Reita’s shoulder. The touch was just the same as it always had been, easy and without hesitation and Reita was immeasurably glad, hadn’t realized the depth of the pit in his stomach until he felt the relief. 

“Drinks at home then? I only got one so I’m going to have something with or without you.” 

No questions that he didn’t have answers to yet, thankfully. Just Ruki, close beside him, never letting go as they made their way through the bar and toward the lockers in the entryway. He let the banal conversation lead them back to steady ground.

“What were you drinking anyway? It was so... green.”

“That was a ‘sexy alligator’,” Ruki declared with a flourish as he fished the key out of his pocket and opened the locker, “it’s got melon and pineapple and Jägermeister.”

“A ‘sexy alligator’? You’re joking.”

Ruki was smiling as he shouldered his bag, “They’ve got ones here called ‘sloppy dick’, ‘sloe screw’, ‘sex on the beach’, ‘wet pussy’…” at the incredulous look on Reita’s face he added, “look at the menu board next time we’re here if you don’t believe me. There’s even a rum drink called ‘fuck me from behind’ but I haven’t tried that one yet.”

Reita took his jacket when Ruki held it out to him, mentally slogging through those teasing words until he latched on to that one terrifying, brilliant point of hope that he worried over each time he came down from the high Ruki gave him- “next time.”

**Author's Note:**

> i swear to god i am working on roses chapter 5! i've just hit a hard part to write.  
> skip the rest of this if you don't want to see me explain the life out of the latin bit.  
> for context, ex nihilo nihil fit means 'nothing comes from nothingness'. contrast that with creatio ex nihilo, the christian philosophy of creation from nothing.   
> in other words, ex nihilo nihil fit means that there is no spontaneous generation, nothing appears from thin air, what you put in is what you get out, and you don't suddenly have wet dreams about someone if there wasn't already some thing there...


End file.
